We are still in Toledo, Oregon, following the birth of our 14th grandchild, Quentin, Amy and Ben's 7th. We are leaving for our home in Spokane in the morning; we wanted to make sure everything was on track before we left.
As I was in bed last night, waiting to go to sleep, my thoughts went back to the birth of Mildred and my 7th, Mary.
I could recall almost none of it! I was overtaken with sadness that I am still feeling this morning.
As I look back I remember so little. I was so busy trying to provide for our growing family that I'm afraid I left a lot of the child rearing experiences, and memories, up to Mildred. And now she's not here to help me remember.
Some things I remember well. Actually, I do remember a lot. But I especially remember sitting together in Sacrament Meeting, and how good that was. I miss that now, a lot, especially when I have to go to church alone because Sally has to stay home with her mother. It's really hard not to be an 'active' dad any more.
Back to the births. I remember Ruth's well. Of course it was our first, plus there were complications. I remember Deborah's well. But again, there were complications. The rest are a blur.
I think another part of this blue funk I am in is that I just plain miss my kids, and of course, their mother. I love my new family, and love spending time with them, but I don't get to see my crowd very often, and that hurts.
I actually talk to most of them quite often, usually at least a couple of times a week. It's the first, Ruth, and the last, Mary, that I can't seem to connect with very often. Coincidentally (?) they are the only two who have never been in my home in Spokane.
I have faith that once we move past this life, all our memories will become clear to us, and I suppose that will have to suffice for now.